If ... Graffiti Artist

If “graffiti artist” wasn’t the contradiction in terms it so often is …
(Do click on the picture and view it full size!)
Graffiti artists + mezzo-American figures
The graffiti artists were snapped near my home one sunny autumn day, working on a now-demolished wall. The figures are posterised from some rather poor quality photos of mezzo-American figurines from the collection in the Louisiana Gallery of Modern Art just outside Copenhagen.

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Crass Punk Samurai

Crass punk samurai
Or: What if Crass had been Japanese?

This picture was a contribution to the Artwiculate word game on Twitter today. The Word of the Day was crass and that took my mind back to a certain punk rock group from my youth. (Turns out they’re still going – sort of.) A fellow Artwiculator from Japan had also tweeted about the death of punk and the death of samurais … that was enough.

(With a bit of luck, the Japanese actually reads “Crass punk samurai”!)

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Victorian Family

Victorian family
Victorian family

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Extended Family - Tones of Ochre

Extended Family Tones of Ochre
Extended Family – Tones of Ochre

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Extended Family Red and Green

Extended Family Red and Green
Extended Family – Red and Green

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Extended Family – Violet and Yellow

Extended Family Violet and Yellow
Extended Family – Violet and Yellow

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King Arthur’s Most Ignominious Moment

You may be King Arthur, sir, and that may be Excalibur, but the law still doesn’t permit you to carry it down the High Street.

A submission for Artwiculate (WOTD: Ignominious) and Loqwacious (WOTD: Excalibur)

King Arthur's most ignominious moment

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Not now, Cora!

Not just now, Cora!There are some great lines in Fantastic Voyage (some of them cited below), but I ended up going for a cheap joke at the expense of Raquel Welch and Donald Pleasence. I was inspired by the strip in the middle of the postcard above here, which is a still from the DVD. (What she’s actually doing is zipping her wetsuit closed preparatory to leaving the submarine to help unclog intake filters.) In my defence, the film-makers blatantly included Ms Welch in the cast only for her well-endowed chest – she has minimal acting duties.

I don’t know when I first saw Fantastic Voyage. I’d like it to have been at a matinée performance when it was released in Britain in the autumn of 1966, but I suppose that’s unlikely. (I would only have been 8 years old.) In all probability I saw it first on television sometime in the early 70s. The puzzling thing is, though, I think I remember the colours, but I don’t think we had a colour TV at the time.

Now the Oscar-winning special effects seem dated. The sea of arterial red corpuscles looks suspiciously like a back-projected close-up of a lava lamp. But lense flares (for example in the picture below) do hint at one of the effects JJ Abrams was trying to recreate in his recent ‘re-envisioning’ of Star Trek. (See here.)
Fantastic voyage 1
A further source of memory confusion is that I almost certainly read Isaac Asimov’s novelisation of Fantastic Voyage (in which he corrected all the more gross scientific errors) before I saw the film.

Still, the scenes with the miniaturised submarine voyaging through a human body to deliver a surgical team to an otherwise inaccessible blood clot impressed me no end. It was one of the things that motivated me to achieve the high grade I did in my Biology O-level when I was 16. (Grade 2. I did better in Biology than in English Language. Which may not surprise any of my former students who have had the pleasure of studying English with me!)

Here are some of the great lines from the film I could have used but didn’t:

Arterial wall to the left!

They’ve crossed over into the jugular vein through an arterial veinous fistula!

That puts us right here which means we can head for the subarachnoid cavity.

The semilunar valve should be on our left any second now.

One other thought: In American films and TV series, 80% of the time, if one of the characters speaks in a British English accent, you know that’s the villain. Fantastic Voyage is no different. As soon as Donald Pleasence opens his mouth you know he’s the bad guy.
Donald Pleasence in Fantastic voyage
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The Internet Movie Database page for Fantastic Voyage (1966) here.

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Live, floss and prosper

Spock to Spock: Live, floss and prosperThe second DVD out of the box as I work through my birthday present to myself, is JJ Abram’s Star Trek from last year (2009).

Taking this film as my subject here also gives me an opportunity to brush off and republish my original review. (‘Review’ doesn’t seem quite the right word, but judge for yourself here.)

Star Trek is a film with a wonderful flora of quotes, but so many of the good ones are in-jokes for fans of the original series. I choose to illustrate instead one of the most puzzling features of the future. The lack of development in prosthodontics.

Poor Leonard Nimmoy, the original Spock, reappears (through one of those handy wormholes in the time-space continuum that Science Fiction films thrive upon), sucked away from 24th century, and masticates his lines through what appear at times to be rather ill-fitting dentures.

In my imagination I hear him advising his younger self.

Live, floss and prosper.
Oral hygiene, young Spock, oral hygiene. Even in 2387 dentists still can’t make false teeth that actually fit.

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The Internet Movie Database page for Star Trek (2009) here.

The official site for Star Trek (2009) here.

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Human teenagers

You wouldn't want one as a petAs my own birthday present to myself, I bought a box of DVDs (mostly Science-Fiction related). I anticipate working my way through them bit by succulent bit (inclding, of course, all the Extra Material) and boning out some favourite quotes. Which I plan to share here in postcard form.

As chance would have it, the first film I watched was Tim Burton’s remake of The Planet of the Apes from 2001. It’s not a better film than the 1968 original, but it’s not nearly as poor as the reviews made out – those I read when it first came out and which put me off seeing it on the cinema screen.

Some of the actors behind the mask produced some really fine performances. Tim Roth and Paul Giamatti were outstanding, I thought, and Helena Bonham Carter was pretty damn good too, though her mask was less convincing.

Anyway, my nomination for the best line from the film has to be this one. Spoken by Paul Giamatti as the orangutan slaver, Limbo, who is selling humans as slaves:

The young ones make great pets. Just make sure you get rid of them before they mature. Believe me, the last thing you want is a human teenager running around your house.

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  • The Internet Movie Database page for Tim Burton’s film here.
  • The IMDb page for the original (1968) Planet of the Apes film here.
  • Helena Bonham Carter’s makeup/mask at The Make-up Room here. [Ah sad to say that link seems to be broken :( ]
  • Interview with  Helena Bonham Carter about her role in The Planet of the Apes at Cinema.com here.
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